What is intimacy

What is your definition of intimacy?

What intimacy is not is love. Love (seems to me) is a catchall term that lumps together the stimuli our brain receives about feeling safe, feeling joy, being appreciated, acknowledged etc.

Why do I say that?

Without realizing it, our brain is constantly assessing and analyzing the data received by our senses in every moment of our lives. For some touch and affection is the trigger for feeling loved. However, at the same time someone embraces you there is more going on than just touch. All of our senses are engaged. For that brief moment our senses allow us to feel “connected” to the other person. It is a shared experience that tells our brain that we are safe, acknowledged, appreciated etc. 

A shared experience = intimacy. 

Why is intimacy (meaning being connected with others) so important to us and our wellbeing?

The most simplistic answer is: if we are intimate then we are not at risk. If we experience a “shared experience” that ticks the boxes (acknowledgement, safety, joy etc) our bodies will respond accordingly. Our blood pressure will go down. Our heart rate will slow. Our breathing will become relaxed. 

All because we feel connected to another person.

Seems idyllic to me. 

But, for many of us, this state of bliss is rarely achieved and even more difficult to create at will.

Here’s a secret for you:

Listening to music changes our mind and bodies… even if you are alone. 

Why?

Music affects multiple senses and parts of our brain simultaneously. This is an involuntary response. People who go to concerts don’t go just because of the artist or the music. They make the effort to leave their homes to experience the feeling by participating in a shared experience. 

If you listen to a song by yourself your brain is still stimulated but instead of the experience of the crowd you will be drawn into the experience of the person(s) who created the music. Lyrics, tempo, pitch and more will cause your brain to react. So, music can create a shared experience - even if you are alone.

Feeling isolated or lonely is actually sensory deprivation. We are deprived of the sensory input we associate with being connected. 

Music has been a tool used by humans to generate a shared experience. Music predates language. It is fair to say that music is part of our human makeup. 

So, why not use music to bridge the gaps in our personal lives, in our society? Why not use music as a vehicle to connect and embrace others?

Text and video online does not provide the user with the sensory data our bodies and brains require to feel safe.

Intimacy is created by shared experience. 

Music is the tool that will begin the process.